


50/50

by dirtshag



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Cancer, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, don't look at me, probable medical inaccuracies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-29
Packaged: 2018-01-19 04:30:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1455436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirtshag/pseuds/dirtshag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This is so fucked up, Harry," Niall mutters. "We come here every week just to have them prod us with needles that will maybe prolong our pathetic little lives."</p><p>"Niall," Harry starts.</p><p>"No, think about it, Harry," Niall says. "We might beat cancer, but think about how many years of our lives we've sat here just <i>hoping</i> they find a cure." He glares up at Harry. "Do you think you're going to get into Uni with all these hospital bills? What the fuck are you going to do with your life?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 'maybe life isn't for everyone...'

**Author's Note:**

> Harry has mesothelioma, which affects his lungs and upper chest cavity. Niall has leukemia, which is cancer of the blood, specifically the white blood cells, which fight off disease.

Harry has been sick since he was nine years old.  He'd had asthma his entire life, and during a check-up, they found a lump on his back and all of a sudden, his asthma had become something much bigger than just respiratory issues. He remembers his mother gripping his hand so hard it hurt when she brought him to the children's hospital. He remembers all the colorful walls and the cheerful nurses who made him laugh while he waited with his mother. He remembers his mother crying when he was diagnosed with pleural mesothelioma, and wishing that her tears would stop.

Eleven years later, his mother still grips his hand tightly when she sees him, and she doesn't cry as much, but the walls are no longer colorful and the nurses don't make him laugh like they used to. They're still friendly enough, but their focus is on his malformed cells, not his level of nerves. He breathes deeply, a minuscule sense of relief trickling through his veins. Sometimes he thinks it's the only good this treatment is doing for him, is gifting him with a deep breath of air three times a week. But it brings with it the chilliness, the shakiness, and the weakness. He always feels so drained of what little energy he's able to muster each day, and this forces him to stay an hour or so after his treatment before he can return home, when he's able to. He sits in the lounge set aside specifically for chemotherapy patients and sweeps his eyes over the sad forms sitting in a dilapidated semicircle in front of him. The other patients sit hunched over their knees, or huddled under thick, fluffy blankets to conserve what little heat they have left. He feels as tired as they look. 

Niall shuffles into the room, a blanket wrapped round his shoulders. Harry gives him a smile as he settles in his seat across from him. Niall returns it briefly before sighing tiredly and huddling under his blanket, his entire body trembling with cold. Harry feels cold just looking at him.

"Tired?" he asks and Niall lets loose an amused huff of air. "That's a dumb question, Styles," he says and Harry smiles sheepishly. Niall rolls his eyes fondly at Harry's meager attempt to make him laugh. "But yeah, I'm tired," Niall says. His eyes stay trained somewhere just above Harry's head. "'m always tired." Harry watches as Niall tugs his knit hat further down over his head; Niall's always cold, too. There's a moment of silence before Niall speaks again, his voice husky. "I just want to feel something other than tired, cold, and this aching everywhere."

"I know," Harry mumbles. "So do I." Harry's mesothelioma has gone into remission twice so far, which is much more than can be said of poor Niall, whose leukemia has just reached stage three. Niall coughs forcefully into his fist, and Harry is certain that he'd pass out if he coughed that hard.

"What's it like?" Niall asks after a while, not looking at Harry, who frowns. "What's what like?" he asks.

"Remission," Niall deadpans and Harry's heart sinks to his toes.

"It's...." Harry's voice dies in his throat and sighs, clearing it. "It's just this looming sense of uneasiness, not knowing if it's really gone or if it's just slipped under the radar."

"Don't try to tell me that this is better than that, Harry," Niall says, his voice tight. "You know what you've just said is complete and utter _bullshit_." Niall sniffs, tugging his blanket tighter around his shoulders. Harry wants to say something, anything, to comfort his friend, but there are no words in the universe to pull Niall out of his despair. Harry doesn't know how much breath and energy he's wasted trying to lift Niall's ever gloomy mood, but he does know that he'll never stop trying. It's all he can really do for his dearest friend, but he wishes he could do more.

"This is so fucked up, Harry," Niall mutters, pulling Harry from his thoughts. "We come here every week just to have them prod us with needles that will maybe prolong our pathetic little lives."

"Niall," Harry starts.

"No, think about it, Harry," Niall says. "We might beat cancer, but think about how many years of our lives we've sat here just  _hoping_   they find a cure." He glares up at Harry. "Do you think you're going to get into Uni with all these hospital bills? What the fuck are you going to do with your life?"

Niall's normally soft blue eyes are hard, his gaze stormy as he stares Harry down. Harry blinks back at him. "I... I don't know," he murmurs, furrowing his brow. "I guess I'll figure it out when I get there."

"If," Niall says coldly and hunkers down into his chair. Harry loathes the times when Niall can get like this, but he supposes that feeling of hopelessness comes with thirteen years of medicine failing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my tumblr](http://dirtshag.tumblr.com/)


	2. then again, maybe it is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall gets cold during the night and Harry is an idiot.

Harry sniffs and adjusts the tube feeding oxygen into his nostrils. He hasn't had to wear his cannula in a while and he's not happy to be reacquainted with it. He can hear Niall moving in his bed over the sound of his ventilator. "Ni, you awake?" Harry whispers and the rustling of the sheets stops.

"Yeah," Niall answers quietly. "Can't sleep," he mumbles and Harry nods, but then remembers that it's dark and Niall can't see him. "Neither can I," he says.

"I'm too cold to sleep," Niall says.

"Why don't you call for a nurse?" Harry asks.

"They'd just get me another blanket, and I'm not cold that way. I feel cold inside like.... I can't explain it," Niall replies. His bed creaks as he moves around, and suddenly, it stops. "Niall?" Harry asks worriedly, his heart thumping wildly in his chest.

"Hush up," Niall says and Harry jumps out of nerves. Niall is hovering beside Harry's bed, looking down at him. The hum of Harry's ventilator must have masked Niall's footsteps. "What are you doing?" Harry asks, squinting up at him in the dim light.

"I told you, I'm cold. Scoot over." Harry moves over as best he can and Niall crawls under his sheets. Niall brings a crisp coolness with him; Harry has never realized just how cold Niall always is.

"You bastard," Niall mumbles, hunkering down under Harry's sheets. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?" Harry asks, knitting his brow.

"Stay so warm," Niall says with a shudder. Harry tentatively reaches out to touch Niall's shoulder, and is surprised by how cold his skin is. Niall nuzzles into his touch and Harry's chest tightens. Niall is already asleep and wriggles closer to Harry's front to stay warm. Harry freezes, not sure how to handle Niall's closeness as his nose brushes against Harry's chest. He lets out a long puff of air and closes his eyes, staying as still as possible so as not to wake Niall.

 

Harry wakes up to his cannula askew and the solidity of another body in his rather small hospital bed. Niall is still tucked into his chest, his breathing light and even. A nurse, Marion, bustles into the room and comes to an abrupt stop. When she sees them, her brows knit.

"He was cold," Harry says meekly and she heaves a heavy sigh, looking tired. "The poor boy always is," she says and shuffles over to feel Niall's forehead. "He's warm," she says in disbelief. "He's never been this warm." She digs in her pocket and procures a thermometer, checking Niall's temperature as he continues sleeping. "He's not running a fever. He's basically normal," she says, looking flabbergasted. "How'd you do it?" she asks, peering at Harry, who shrugs, careful not to wake Niall.

"He just crawled in with me and said I was warm." She gives him a distant smile. "It was sweet of you to let him stay," she says and Harry feels his ears redden. "Well I, um," he flusters, his cheeks turning pink. She leans in to straighten his cannula. "Go back to sleep, Harry," she says gently. "You need it."

Harry feels his eyes droop and briefly wonders if there's some sort of sleeping gas mixed in with his oxygen or if he is just really that tired before falling asleep.

 

When he wakes up again, Niall is no longer beside him. He pushes himself to a sitting position, rubbing at his eyes as he looks around. "Niall?" he croaks.

Niall shuffles in, a muffin in hand and a blanket slung around his shoulders. "Yeah?" he asks through a mouthful of muffin. Harry squints at him as Niall tosses another muffin his way. "Brought you breakfast," Niall says, nodding toward the muffin that's landed in Harry's lap. "It's banana nut."

"Thanks?" Harry says, picking up his breakfast to study it as Niall settles against his pillows on the bed across from Harry's.

"Marion told me it was your favorite," Niall says as he peels away the paper. "I told her I already knew that."

Harry's mouth contorts into a crooked smile as he unwraps his breakfast. Niall is so much better when he doesn't have a chemo session. Harry loves him either way, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my tumblr](http://dirtshag.tumblr.com/)


	3. you won't regret it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You've got an entire lifetime ahead of you and yet you choose a dying kid over the whole damn world," he says with a watery laugh. "You sure you don't have brain cancer?"

Niall and Harry sit in the chemotherapy patients' lounge, seated in the chairs they each claimed the day they started, each over a decade ago. Niall's looking out its glass walls, watching the birds zip past, completely and totally free.

"'m never getting out of here, am I, Harry?" Niall asks with a small laugh in spite of himself.

"Niall—"

"Harry?" asks a cheerful looking nurse. She clutches a clipboard to her chest."Harry, your blood work results are in. Your meso is in remission." She gives him a tender smile and all Harry can do is stare at her, his mouth hanging open. "Congrats," she offers quietly before exiting the room. Harry whips his head round to look at Niall, who looks significantly more pale and frail than before the nurse announced Harry's progress.

"Congrats, buddy," he says weakly.

Harry's heart hammers in his throat. "I'll come visit you," he says in a tight voice and Niall just shakes his head. "Nah," he says. "Don't waste your time on me. You've got so much ahead of you, Harry. Don't waste what you have now on a dying kid." Niall gives him what Harry suspects he thinks is a smile, but even Niall can't hide the tears pooling at his lower lids.

"Niall, you're my best friend," Harry chokes. "Of course I'm gonna visit you, cancer or no cancer."

Niall lets slip a sob and fiercely scrubs the tears out of his eyes. "You've got an lifetime ahead of you and yet you choose a dying kid over the whole damn world," he says with a watery laugh. "You sure you don't have brain cancer?"

"God dammit, Niall. Don't you see it?" Harry asks, exasperated. "You've always been my choice, there have been no others, and frankly, never will be. ...I love you."

Niall's bottom lip trembles; all his life he's had people tell him they love him, mainly his family, but he's never had anyone so devoted to him. After all, he's dying and has been for a long time, everyone knows it. He doesn't know of any sane person who would want spend their life with his meager number of years. Harry is the closest he's ever gotten to someone outside his family, Then again, he and Harry have been sharing a hospital room for so long that he practically _is_ family. "Harry," he whimpers and Harry sighs, his shoulders sagging. "And I don't care if you don't love me because there's no other choice I'd be willing to make," he says. Harry looks at him so intensely that Niall feels like crying, but he just buries his face in his hands."But I do. Love you, I mean, as much as I hate to admit it," he confesses.

***

Niall watches Harry pack slowly, feeling pathetic and downright useless. "What am I gonna do at night?" he asks, biting his lip. "You know how cold I get." Harry gives him a sympathizing look, but Niall doesn't want Harry's sympathy; he simply wants Harry.

"I'll think of something," Harry says. He strides over and nestles himself between Niall's legs, his warm hands cradling Niall's face. "I'll visit you as often as I can. I promise." He presses a kiss to Niall's cold forehead.

Niall looks up at him, his eyes big and sad. "'s not the same," he mumbles and Harry smiles sadly. "I know it's not, but you know I can't stay here taking up space when there's other people who need to be helped."

"I know," Niall mutters, dropping Harry's gaze. "I don't want them to fill your bed with someone else. It's better empty than having to wake up finding someone not you."

"Niall—"

"Harry?" Marion cuts him off. He glances her way, catching sight of the woman next to her. "Mum?" he falters, his voice sounding stuck in his throat.

"Harry," she says, spreading her arms. Harry scrambles over to her, ensnaring her in a bear hug. It's been so long since he's been able to give his mother a proper hug. "You're too big for this," she mumbles and Harry just laughs, nuzzling his nose into her neck. "You're just too small," he counters and she chokes on a sob, her fingers running through his hair. Niall coughs and Harry releases his mother, clearing his throat. "Mum," he says, "this is Niall. Do you remember him?"

"Yes I do," she says, giving him a smile. "How are you doing, Niall?"

"Stage three now," Niall says, deflated, and a sorrowful look flashes across her face. "I'm sorry to hear that," she says. "I wish you the best of luck, though."

Niall smiles weakly. "I need it, thank you."

"Mum, something has, erm, changed since the last time you visited," Harry says awkwardly, his ears turning red as he shifts his weight from foot to foot.

"What is it?" she asks, concern flashing in her eyes.

Harry glances at Niall, sucking in a breath. "NiallandIareinarelationship," he spits out and his mother blinks at him. "Sorry, I didn't quite catch that," she says. Harry takes a deep breath and says, "Niall and I are in a relationship."

She glances at each of them and smiles. "Really? After all this time?" she asks. "What took you so long?"

Harry's jaw drops and Niall bursts into a fit of laughter. Harry's mother nudges his side good-naturedly; her head barely reaches his shoulders. "He's a cutie," she teases and Harry rubs his bright red face with his hands, groaning, " _Muuum_."

Niall laughs harder than he has in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapters will be getting longer eventually.  
> [my tumblr](http://dirtshag.tumblr.com/)


	4. 'not the same'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A cancer free Harry visits a cancerous Niall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few months have passed, and harry has gotten so much better

"Hey, Nialler," Harry greets with a radiant grin and Niall offers him what he knows is a pathetic wave. Harry strides over and plants himself in the chair beside Niall's. Now that Harry's no longer a full-time resident at the clinic, someone else has been using his chair, a girl called Claire. Niall likes her well enough, but still, _she sits in Harry's chair_. Albeit Niall can't say that he doesn't like where Harry's claimed a new chair for when he visits.

"Brought you something," he says with a grin and digs into the plastic bag he'd brought in with him. Harry looks so...  _exuberant_ ; Niall has never seen Harry in remission; his meso had gone into remission twice within the first year Harry started going to the clinic, before he and Niall shared a room. It makes his heart ache because he knows he'll never get to spend much time with him, but he pushes the thought from his mind and focuses on how bright Harry's smile is. Harry fishes out a wad of fabric, presenting it to Niall with a triumphant smirk.

"Another blanket?" Niall deadpans, expecting more from Harry.

"Not just any old blanket," Harry says proudly. "It's electric."

Niall's eyes widen. "Are you even certain I'm allowed to have that, what with all the wires hooked up to me at night?" he asks and Harry dismisses it with a wave of his hand. "I checked it out with Marion and she said it was fine."

Niall looks up at him, his features soft. "Thank you," he breathes.

Harry shrugs. "Figured you'd need something to keep you warm at night," he says, giving his malignant boyfriend a small smile. Niall's heart shrinks a bit, thinking  _Yeah, because you're not here to do it_ , as he clutches the blanket to his chest.

"Anyway," Harry says, breaking the heavy silence. "Just thought I'd stop by, see if I could cheer you up a bit."

Niall gives him a shy smile. "Just seeing you is enough to cheer me up," he says sickly sweet and Harry rolls his eyes out of fondness, reaching over to tug Niall's knit cap down over his eyes.

"You're cheesy," he says and Niall pushes his cap back to its original position, making a face at him. "I'm allowed to be cheesy," he says.

"Really," Harry says, obviously unamused. "And what gives you that assumption?"

"'cause you're corny," Niall says matter-of-factly.

Harry raises his eyebrows. "I'm  _corny?_ " he asks. Niall sticks his tongue out at him and grins, making Harry grin as well. They sit in a not uncomfortable silence before Niall pipes up again. "They say I'm improving," he says.

Harry turns to look him in the eye. "Seriously?" he asks. Niall has never seen eyes so green. "Yeah," he responds breathily.

"That's great!" Harry says with a face-splitting grin. "Maybe you'll get to come home soon."

"Yeah," Niall agrees. He knows it's wishful thinking, but his heart is caught on the way Harry said 'come home', as if they lived together. He'd like that, he thinks.

***

All Niall can hear is the swishing of his own heartbeat in his ears and the soft wheezing of his ventilator. It's been hours since Harry kissed him goodbye and gave him a bright smile that made Niall melt on the spot. Niall lies in his bed, staring up at the ceiling as he fiddles with the IV tube in his arm. The room seems cold without Harry. A nurse tends to the patient in the bed to his right —  _Harry's_ old bed. "Could I make a phone call and possibly have a visitor?" he asks hopefully and she blinks at him. "It's two in the morning," she says. "Trust me, he'll answer," Niall assures her and she sighs in defeat. "Very well," she mutters and helps him to his feet.

The fluorescent lights hum softly and flicker slightly above his head as he waits his turn to use the phone. He's not allowed a cell phone, something about the radiation they emit and his already malformed cells. The pale blue walls stare blankly back at him, sending a shiver down his fragile spine. His need to call Harry just increased by 150%. Niall plays with the IV tube stuck in his arm as he dials and waits for Harry to pick up.

"Hello?" Harry's voice is husky and stuffy with sleep. Niall imagines him lying spread on his bed with half his face pressed into his pillow, the sheets tangled up round his spindly body.

"Can you come?" Niall squeaks, suddenly feeling rather ridiculous. He adjusts his cannula to busy his free hand, his sudden nerves making him feel like a small child. He can hear Harry shuffling beneath his sheets.

"It's half past two in the morning," Harry says. He doesn't sound incredulous or angry that Niall has asked him to pull himself from his warm, probably very comfortable bed to come to the cold, hard clinic just to sit up with a dying kid; it's just a statement of fact.

Niall shifts his weight from foot to foot. "I know," he says, almost whines. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't've called."

"No, no, it's fine," Harry says through a yawn. "What did you need me for?"

"I'm cold," Niall tells him sheepishly. He squares himself with the base of the phone; he feels exposed talking to Harry in front of the other people in the waiting room. The woman seated in the chair to his left peers over at him with a leer. Niall fights the color rising in his cheeks as he focuses on his phone call. He can almost  _hear_  Harry furrow his brow.

"What about your electric blanket?" Harry asks. "Not the same," Niall mutters quickly, feeling his cheeks get hot, and it's quiet on the other end until a few antagonizing seconds later when Harry says, "Fine. I'll be there in twenty." Niall hangs up the phone, his hands shaking from nerves or giddiness, he's not sure.

Harry arrives in less than fifteen minutes, his stride long and brisk despite how tired he sounded on the phone. His pace quickens a little, a smile working its way onto his face when he spots Niall. Niall returns the smile and Harry's brightens even more. In a matter of seconds, Niall is enveloped in Harry's embrace (Harry is of course careful of Niall's IV and his cannula), and his insides go from cold to warm and melty as he nuzzles his nose in the crook of Harry's neck; he smells like soap and woods. They break apart, Harry's hands remaining on both of Niall's shoulders, his fingertips gently pressing into his skin.

"You all right?" he asks earnestly and Niall can't help his smile. "Yeah, I am now," he breathes and Harry nods, the corners of his mouth kinked up, his dimples popping. Niall wonders if the sun is really brighter than the boy stood before him. "What now?" Harry asks, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

Niall shrugs. "Anything," he says and Harry ponders their options, frowning after a while.

"You're not allowed to leave, are you?" he asks and Niall shakes his head. Harry sighs. "Shit." He reaches for Niall's hand, their fingers entwining. "Come on."

  
They sit in the lounge set aside for the chemo patients, its glass walls displaying the night sky, albeit heavily polluted from the city lights. "You can see the stars from my place," Harry says, nodding to the sky.

Niall furrows his brow in thought. "Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen them," he says.

Harry stares at him incredulously. "You've never seen the stars?" he whispers and Niall shakes his head, feeling quite awkward. He doesn't know why he feels uncomfortable about this, the simplest of things. "We lived in the city and I sort of became a permanent resident here at the clinic when I was seven," he mutters, casting his gaze out the windows. He can feel Harry's gaze on him, heavy and pitying — maybe not pitying; Harry has never pitied Niall and he's grateful for that. Harry makes a sort of grunt before saying, "When you're well enough, I'm going to show you the stars." Niall's chest tightens. Harry seriously believes that Niall will be healthy enough to leave the clinic. Niall has never truly believed that himself. "I know you'll love 'em," Harry continues, his eyes staying trained on the sky. "We'll lie in the grass and I'll point out the constellations and if we see a shooting star, I'll use my wish on you."

"Harry," Niall says softly, doubt pulling at his heartstrings no matter how hard he fights it. Is his life an endless battle with himself? Cells against body, mind against heart? "Can you stop? Please."

"Okay," Harry murmurs.

Niall dares a glance at Harry and he instantly feels sorry. He crawls into the space beside Harry, snuggling up against him. Harry takes the hint and tugs him closer, letting him rest his head on his chest. Niall closes his eyes, happy to hear the steady thump of Harry's heart rather than his own for the first time in too long.


	5. waiting games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so short, i'm sorry

"Please," Harry pleads. "He's getting better. He deserves a weekend away from all this; the fresh air would do him good."

Marion purses her lips. "It's not up to me to make that decision," she says.

"Could you at least talk to Dr. Ruthford?" he asks, his voice tinged with desperation.

Marion sighs in defeat. "Fine, but only because you're pretty," she says with a smirk, playfully patting his cheek.

Harry grins so widely his face hurts. He saunters back to Niall, the stupid grin never leaving his face. "I talked to Marion about getting you out of here for a weekend," he says.

Niall sits up straighter. "What'd she say?" he asks, trying desperately to keep his expectations low, but with Harry, that's nearly impossible.

"She said she'll talk to Dr. Ruthford about it. Fingers crossed," Harry says, crossing his fingers over his heart. Niall nods, crossing his fingers and placing them over his own heart. "Fingers crossed."

 

Harry sits on the edge of the mattress, nibbling on one of the clinic's rather dry cookies. He's making faces at Niall when a nurse walks in. "Niall," he says. "Your family is here to see you."

Niall locks his gaze on Harry's. "Ready?" he asks and Harry nods, wiping the crumbs from his face. Niall nods back to the nurse. "Send them in," he says.

"Niall, my baby," coos his mother as she walks in. Niall smiles at her. "Hi, mum," he says as she hugs him as best she can, careful of his IV. "Long time no see, yeah?"

"Hey, bro," Niall's brother says and nods in Harry's direction. "Harry."

"Greg," Harry replies with a nod of his own.

"Hello, Harry," Niall's dad greets, shaking his hand and giving him a clap on the back. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," Harry replies and Bobby slips away to check on his boy.

"Nice to see you again, Harry," Niall's mother chirps with a smile, pulling his lanky frame in for a hug.

"Hi, Maura," Harry greets. "How've you been?"

"Oh, I'm wonderful, thank you for asking," she says, then lowers her voice. "How's remission?"

"I'm doing great, thanks," Harry says, his smile fading a bit. "Just waiting on him," he adds with a nod toward Niall.

Maura sighs. "So are we," she says warily. She glances at her boys as they talk football. "He's getting better, they say," she says, returning her gaze to Harry's.

"I know," Harry says. "He told me yesterday when I popped in for a visit."

She gives him a tight smile. "You've done so much for him, Harry," she says. "You've no idea how much you've helped him." She sniffles a little and wipes her eyes. Harry wants to hug her. "Thank you," she says with a watery smile. All Harry does is nod, looking at his hands.

***

Harry had fallen asleep in Niall's bed the night before, so Niall woke up warm and feeling well-rested. "Good news, Niall," Dr. Ruthford says as she walks in, not batting an eye at Harry's presence. It seems as if the whole of the clinic staff is clued in on him and Harry, and they seem to bend the rules around them, bless their hearts. She gives Niall a warm smile, which he appreciates greatly in his doctor. "I've cleared you for a weekend out. Not this week, but next, you can leave for the weekend."

Niall grins, shoving Harry awake. "Whatsit?" Harry slurs, jerking awake. "Next weekend," Niall says and Harry looks confused for a short moment before grinning and leaning up to press a kiss to Niall's lips. Dr. Ruthford clears her throat and Harry breaks away, his ears a furious red.

"Niall is allowed to leave on one condition," she says. "A nurse must be with you at all times. Is that clear?"

Niall nods. "Who is it, or do I get to pick?" he asks and Dr. Ruthford has a hint of a smile on her lips. "Marion's volunteered." Niall grins and Harry punches the air, cheering his assent. Dr. Ruthford shakes her head fondly at the pair of them, scribbling something on her clipboard, and Niall wonders what cosmos have aligned for him to have such luck. He's been fucked over enough for one lifetime, he thinks, watching Harry's lips move but not listening to a word he's saying. It's about time his luck turned around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my tumblr](http://dirtshag.tumblr.com/)


	6. my moon and stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry takes Niall camping and they're both idiots in sappy sad love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [listen and read](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrleydRwWms&list=PL15zXUGdPOB_0QhW3-kkY5Ydry_BncHpt)

The past two weeks have been absolute torture for Niall. Harry is taking him to his family's cabin up north. Niall has never been camping before. He kept a mental countdown until the weekend for when Harry picks him up at three on Friday afternoon. On that Friday morning, Niall's heart rate skyrockets and he has to be sedated, which he thoroughly detests. Marion tells him it's for his own good before pressing the plunger. His sedative makes time slow down for him, and Niall feels like he has the stickiest molasses slowly dripping through his veins. It wears off around noon, but its effects still linger when Harry wanders into his room a few hours later.

"Niall?" he asks, worry pulling his brows together.

"They had to sedate me," Niall says, his words feeling stuck in his mouth like peanut butter.

Harry's eyes widen. "Why?" he asks.

"Too excited," Niall mumbles and Harry chuckles, leaning in to press a kiss to Niall's forehead. Niall's head rolls back against the pillows and he closes his eyes, sighing deeply. "Don't take advantage of me 'm drugged," he mumbles. Harry just chuckles again and runs a hand through Niall's returning hair.

Once the effects of Niall's sedative wear off half an hour later, Harry helps Niall load his things into the back of the car where his mother waits in the driver's seat. "It's supposed to be quite clear tonight," Harry mentions, "so we'll definitely be able to see the stars." Niall perks up, a smile pulling at his mouth and Harry helps him into the backseat. Marion settles in the backseat across from Niall and Harry gives her a smile. Harry's mum gives Niall a big smile through the rearview mirror. "How are you, Niall?" she asks as Harry climbs in the passenger seat.

Niall returns her smile. "I'm great, Anne," he says and means it.

The ride to the cabin is long, which Harry adamantly apologizes for when Niall gets carsick. He hasn't been in a moving vehicle that wasn't an ambulance or hospital shuttle in years. Marion provides him with pills to ease his stomach, and they put him to sleep almost immediately.

Niall wakes to Harry gently jostling his shoulder. He takes a deep breath and his lungs cheer at the crisp freshness of the air. _Pine smells so wonderful_ , he thinks.

"Hey," Harry says gently, cupping Niall's cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Dizzy," Niall says and Harry smiles, reaching over to unbuckle him.

"Can you walk?" Harry asks and Niall shrugs before sliding out of his seat, planting his feet not-so-firmly on the ground. He stumbles and Harry steadies him, an arm slipping round his waist. Niall smiles at him bashfully and Harry gives him a smile just as bashful before wrapping his arm round Niall's shoulders and helping him toward the cabin.

  
"I haven't had pizza in a lifetime," Niall says, his mouth watering as Anne sets a plate in front of him. Harry smiles at him and hooks his ankle around Niall's under the table.

"Really?" Anne asks and Niall nods.  
  
After dinner, they lie on the trampoline in Harry's backyard, huddled on a jumble of blankets and another pile layered over them. Harry points out the constellations he knows and Niall just likes listening to the sound of his voice. "You know," Harry says after a moment of silence, running his fingers through Niall's already growing back hair, "I've always wanted to study astronomy."

"Have you now," Niall mumbles, huddling closer to Harry. Niall hasn't had his hair played with in a long, long time.

"I guess I've never asked," Harry says, "but have you used your Wish?"

"No," Niall answers. "I was too unstable for them to actually go through with it."

"What'd you want to do?" Harry asks quietly.

Niall feels his cheeks get hot. "I don't really remember," he mutters.

Harry chuckles next to him. "I highly doubt you've forgotten."

"Can we not talk about this?" Niall pleads, feeling the backs of his eyes get hot with oncoming tears.

"Niall," Harry says, sounding concerned. Niall sighs, huddling closer to Harry. Niall burrows his face into the crook of Harry's neck. "I don't want to talk about it," he mumbles and Harry's arms wrap tight around him.

"Okay," Harry whispers, running a hand through Niall's hair once again.

***

Niall wakes in an unfamiliar room in an unfamiliar bed. His heart races for a moment before he remembers that he's at Harry's cabin. He stretches and adjusts his cannula, which he doesn't remember inserting. In fact, he doesn't remember coming in from the trampoline. He's pulled from his thoughts when Harry walks in, a tray in his hands.

"Brought you breakfast," he says sheepishly and suddenly, all Niall can focus on is the boy stood before him. "Thank you," he says softly as Harry places it on the nightstand.

"You got cold, so I brought you in," Harry murmurs, answering Niall's unasked question. "Marion got you ready for bed," Harry says, his cheeks tinged pink.

Niall feels a smirk pulling at his lips. "Harry, are you bothered by nudity?" he asks and Harry looks up at him, his mouth making a perfect 'o' and his cheeks pinker than ever. "No," he says, shifting uncomfortably and Niall cackles at him, tucking into his breakfast. Harry sits uneasily on the edge of the mattress, his eyes catching on anything that isn't Niall. He doesn't seem to know what to do with his hands.

"What's wrong?" Niall asks.

Harry shakes his head. "Nothing," he mutters, now picking at a fuzz on the quilt.

"You want anything?" Niall asks, nodding toward the tray Harry brought him.

"No, thanks," Harry mumbles. "I brought that for you anyway. Are you saying you don't like my cooking?" Harry feigns insult, getting a laugh from Niall. His tray consists of a cold cereal, half an orange, and a piece of (slightly burned) toast.

"It's better than the clinic's, I have to admit," Niall laughs.

"Oi, watch it you," Marion quips as she bustles in. Is that woman ever restful? She ruffles Harry's hair good-naturedly. "Wanna be our head of kitchen?" she asks, elbowing him. "You'd see more of your boyfriend."

Harry chuckles. "As enticing as that sounds, I've already got a job."

Niall frowns. "You never told me that," he says, looking curiously at Harry.

Marion throws her hands in the air out of exasperation. "If you two are going to have a row, at least let me check this one's blood pressure first."

Harry takes a step back to let Marion do her job. Niall's eye contact with him never breaks. When she's finished, she gives Harry a light smack on his ass, startling him. "Behave," she says. "Don't raise his blood pressure." Harry scowls after her as she hurries out of the room before turning his attention back to Niall.

"I was going to tell you," he says and Niall remains unimpressed. "What are you doing, then?" he asks.

"I work in this bookstore-slash-coffee shop on campus," Harry says, a grin spreading to his face. "I work every other day after class."

Niall's eyes widen. "You're going to Uni?" he asks and Harry nods. "What are you studying? How did you even pay for it after all the—?"

"My great aunt died and she left us a hefty inheritance, so we paid all the hospital bills and my first year tuition," Harry explains and his expression softens. "I'm studying medicine and psychology."

Now Niall is impressed. He looks down at his hands, his thumbs twiddling. "What made you want to study those?" he inquires softly, though he already knows the answer. The mattress dips as Harry settles back down beside him.

" _Who_ do you think?" Harry asks, and in essence, answers Niall's question.

Niall closes his eyes with a sigh. "I thought you wanted to study astronomy," he says flatly.

Harry cups his jaw and forces Niall to look him in his pretty green eyes. "That's not as important as you," he says. "Honestly, you're my moon and stars. I don't need to study the ones up there when my entire universe is sitting right in front of me."

Niall stares at him. "You're awful, you know that?" he says and Harry shrugs. "It's true," he says and Niall rolls his eyes. "You're stupid, too," he says.

"Admittedly."

"I love you, too, by the way," Niall says and Harry smiles, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his forehead. "I know," he mumbles against Niall's coolish skin.

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://dirtshag.tumblr.com/)


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